Saturday, 5 November 2016

Dear moms of older children...

About a zillion blogs and huff post articles tells us moms of littles that our job is hard. A zillion more tell us that this too shall pass. Then there are the letters that inform us that we should savour it and one day we'll look back on it all and actually miss these days. 

Not so. Not so, my friends.

I'm sure I'll miss sick day snuggles and toddler kisses on those days even her little heart could see I was sad. I already enjoy those moments. They are what keep me afloat in this sea of dirty diapers and baby colds. But I won't feel all I feel now and miss it. Remembering with fondness the nights when my kids needed me so strongly isn't the same as missing those nights. As to savouring, savouring is something that takes time. Don't tell me to savour it now because that wisdom is meant to be taken with time and I can't squeeze it into my few short years as a mom. 

Like slogging through high school drama, or starting a business from scratch, or even like labour. With each of these things we dig deep in different ways and it's the fact that we are breast-deep, heart-deep in it that forces us to change and grow. You remember these days with fondness; the groggy smiles from well fed babies in the middle of the night, the hugs after discipline that let you know your kid gets it. When you were here though, you didn't sit back while you kid was screaming new profanities from their four year old lips! You got offended and made sure they understood that that's not how to treat people. And sitting with your sick kid praying they'd get some sleep, you couldn't savour the cuddles while you washed sheets and cleaned the carpet.

We can't sit back and just gain perspective like you say you wish you had because that very hindsight is the product of living every day in this tough place when you were in it. Randy Travis once said "hindsight's 20/20, and I'm nearly going blind" and it only just struck me that that's exactly how it is for moms of littles. 

I'm blinded by the moment. There's just too much to think about and do before I get that that beautiful "ah-ha". We're not supposed to drink it in now. We're supposed to do our best, enjoy the beautiful moments as they happen, and go on faith that what happens today is what will make us into who we are tomorrow.

Moms of older kids, you know that these long nights and longer days changed you. You know that the hard days of repeating discipline and redirection and training grew your children. I know your advice to savour it is well meant but I don't want to feel better about where I'm at, I want to know what you did. How did you get your kids to be decent people? How many loads of laundry did you do every stinkin' week? What made your preschooler finally stop picking her nose? Did you ever hide away and pray your kids wouldn't find you? 

Your perspective is the blessing you have from years of experience and a little distance from those mornings crying into your cup of coffee. Those days were real. When my kids are grown I won't wish I'd revelled in these experiences more. I'll just enjoy these memories I have as the wonderful, blessed memories they are.
Hi, I'm Veronica! I'm a passionate DONA trained birth doula and a henna artist. God has blessed my wonderful husband, Greg, and I with two beautiful daughters named Josephine and Charmaine. I have Crohn's disease and have been off of medication since 2010 largely due to the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Most of the recipes I share will be 'SCD legal' and contain no gluten, starches, or sugars. I also love knitting and love having a place to share that passion and the things it produces with others who may appreciate it. Welcome!